Why learning about sex & sexuality from different places is important

I remember when I was younger, how my great-grandmother used to chase me and my cousins out of the living room when The Bold and The Beautiful started playing. We were always so curious about what the show was about that we started plotting ways to watch it. I recall us pretending to play in the bedroom whilst we took turns to peep through the door hole in hope to catch a glimpse of this amazing secret.

Years went by and now came the error of the ever so popular show, Emmanuelle. An erotic series that played late at night. Somehow word got around and the show became very popular amongst teenagers and young adults. It would be the talk of the class on Monday morning’s after the weekend. This would be a time where everyone would want to out talk the other in terms of how much they knew about sex. And how many times they have kissed, and who they had slept with. This was a move out or move up moment. And I felt also needed to start contributing to these conversations.

Like for many young people of my generation ‘The Bold and The Beautiful’ was my first teacher when it came to all things kissing and sexuality.   No mom in those days (even today I suspect) would gladly sit down and take you step by step on how to kiss. Imagine finding a note on your bedroom door when you get home from school: Session with mom – kissing 101 @ 8:30 pm, after supper. Which is where soapies like ‘The bold and the beautiful’ became so interesting. Even if we were technically not allowed to watch it.

Sex on the other hand was a whole different story compared to kissing. As sex is more complex. But with the show Emmanuelle, which was soft erotica, it seemed so much simpler.Which is probably why we all watched even though we were not allowed to. Because it made sex seem all beautiful and kind of nice with nice background music. The show also made it seem like you could meet someone and have sex with them anywhere. Which was a great idea in theory.

Especially when you don’t have someone to talk to about sex. And everyone keeps hiding it from you. Like its some deep beautiful treasure they don’t want to share. And if sex ever does come up, especially with your mom, sex talk is about you getting pregnant and messing up your future and letting the family down. Whereas school’s focused on the mechanics (the how to) e.g. an erect penis enters a vagina, then the penis ejaculates and 9 months later a baby is born. It also tells you how to prevent all this. No one wants to hear all that. Porn shows you a different side. A more fun side if you will. But still none of these tell you about emotions. None of these warn you of the connection and the souls you intertwine with.

It’s important to learn the basics. To learn the step-by-step of how to have sex in a technical sense. Read about the safety measures during all this. The most important lesson though is the self. Learn to know if you’re ready. Parents are meant to protect you. School is there to educate you and media is there to entertain you. You are there to elevate you. Read erotic book saga such as Lady Felicity, watch semi erotic movies such L.O.V.E but also explore your body, they say the best teacher is experience. Kiss lots of boys, kiss lots of girls (please be hygienic). Touch lots of boys and touch lots of girls (be safe). Touch yourself, try dry humping (sex with clothes on), have your neck licked and your ear bit.

The beauty of sex and sexuality is that, everything can happen on your terms. If there’s one thing our parents got right is to advise you to wait. Even if you thought they were being dramatic, they were right. There is lots of components to sex that we all need to learn. Some we can find in tv shows, others in school, some from our parents and others through experience. So remember that whilst shows like Emmanuelle and the Bold and the beautiful may be fun to look at, there is more to sex and sexuality. And no one place holds all the answers.

 

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